The stereotype of the ageing same sex attracted man prior to the 1980s is one of someone who no longer goes to bars or is sexually active because he believes he has lost his sexual appeal to younger men. He is oversexed, but his sex life is very unsatisfactory. The stereotype implies that he is unable to form lasting relationships with a sexual partner and is disengaged from the gay world and his acquaintances. His life has little intimacy and little sex.
New research has now given us a totally different picture. Research indicates that the sex life of older same sex attracted men is quite satisfactory. They desire sexual contact and intimacy, mainly with adult men of a similar age. They also continue to both desire sex and have regular sexual contact. They seek out long-term relationships and are involved in the same sex attracted community.
Sexual satisfaction is a basic need of all people. What constitutes the beginning of old age has now become rather ambiguous. Many chronologically “old” people are still active; sexually, emotionally, physically and intellectually.
Same sex attracted men are bombarded in the media with images of strong, aggressive, sexually skilful, athletic, confident young men. Images of hypermasculine men are particularly visible within the same sex attracted community. These include images of highly muscled body builders dressed in uniforms or leather who appear to engage in frequent casual sex. There appears to be an increase in pressure to conform to a hypermasculine stereotype. Men who do not buy into the “real” man machismo may be perceived as appearing effeminate and re-enforcing old stereotypes. This social perception may not serve aging same sex attracted men.
Christopher Swane - Relationship Counselling and Psychotherapy - Wellington New Zealand
Same sex attracted men share similar aging issues to heterosexual men. But there are a few key differences that have been identified which create stress only for same sex attracted men. They include stigmatization of sexual orientation, invisibility related to sexual orientation, and general negative stereotypes and discrimination regarding aging. For many same sex attracted men born before the 1960s they have been raised with the stigmatization of homosexuality. They began to formulate their identity within a culture where the dominant discourse was that homosexuality was a mental disorder and a person could be prosecuted for engaging in a homosexual act.
1960s gay liberation prompted a change in the way same sex attracted men forged relationships and sought intimacy. Many same sex attracted men in western countries are now living openly, and many are in intimate relationships. This may offer encouragement to an earlier generation of same sex attracted men who are entering midlife and their later years. But many older same sex attracted men still struggle with the vestiges of stigma and shame that they experienced in their youth.
Developmental issues of same sex attracted men differ from those experienced by heterosexual men. Two of the key factors that may alter the development of same sex attracted men are; when they come out, and the exploration of their sexual identity. Research indicates that when a same sex attracted man comes out they posses the historically specific ideologies associated with the period of their coming out. Coming out is an important part of development for same sex attracted men. And if accomplished successfully is an important reflection of psychological health. New research has indicated that well-adjusted older same sex attracted men, rejected the idea that homosexuality was an illness, supportively associated with other same sex attracted men, and were not interested in changing their sexuality.
Christopher Swane - Relationship Counselling and Psychotherapy - Wellington New Zealand
