Many men in their 50s are now living in relationships as empty nesters. The focus of most of their adult working lives has been work, children and the home. As the children grow and leave the family home the world they have known begins to crumple and change. During this period men may begin to lose meaning and purpose in their lives which may lead them into feelings of isolation and depression.
Research has shown that men are very resistant to expressing and sharing their emotions as it’s perceived as not masculine. There is a perception by men that if you express your feelings to another man then you are same sex attracted. From the age of 20 men appear to begin to lose close friends in their life. Which is very different scenario for women. Women appear to retain many of the same close friendship form their adolescence and university days well into their 50s and beyond.
By the time they reach their 50s many men are often friendless and only associate with work colleagues. Men seldom confide in anyone. Confiding is perceived as a weakness. Even a partner of 30 years may not know what a man is really feeling or thinking. The image of men which is often portrayed in the media is stoic, silent and standing side by side, communicating only about sports or politics. This is communication without closeness or intimacy. While the image of women in the media is regularly portrayed as facing each other, where there is a closeness, intimacy and sharing.
Men can be socially and emotionally isolated due to societal pressure to conform to gender stereo types. The potential to acknowledge the problem with erectile dysfunction is anything but physical, would be hard to accept. This problem is further compounded by pharmaceutical companies spending millions of dollars on advertising campaigns offering men a quick fix. The complex emotional issues that hinder men from engaging in a healthy sex life may be far more complicated than just physical. And this may require men to take a good hard look at their life and relationships and ask themselves – am I getting what I really need?
Christopher Swane - Counselling And Psychotherapy For Men - Wellington New Zealand
