Long term relationships often sacrifice a greater sexual intimacy for emotional and financial security. But it doesn’t need to be this way,couples will often become too rigid in their sex lives and lose spontaneity.
It’s important to recognise that desire cannot be dictated by a timetable. Sex therapists believe that there should be a stronger focus on sexual intimacy in a relationship and when we stop connecting with our partners they can fade away into the distance. If we stop paying attention to our partner, both through communication and desire, they can start to feel that we have lost interest in them. When a partner feels alone and isolated in a relationship they may turn to another to obtain feelings of love and being valued.
For a couple to regain a happy sex life they must feel attached to each other. They need to feel that their partner is interested in them both emotionally and sexually.
Here are 7 steps to help you bring back a happier sex life into your relationship.
Stop, look and listen
- Take a little time and listen and look at your partner – do they appear tired or unhappy?
- Talk to them and really pay attention to what they are saying.
- Try spending more time talking about what you miss in your sex life rather than what is going wrong for you both.
Spend time on yourself
- Spend a little time on looking after your appearance and personal hygiene.
- Get back to looking good, not only for yourself but also for your partner. Ask them what they like about you. What clothes do they find attractive on you?
Spend time with each other
- Remember when you first started your relationship – you made time. Go on date nights or turn off the television and have dinner together.
- Find activities you both enjoy that will bring you closer together.
Get in touch
- Spend a little time getting to know your partner’s body again without attempting to engage in sexual intercourse.
- This could include having a bath or shower together, massage, caressing or cuddling.
- Start to get physically comfortable again with each other. Try and avoid forcing sex, give it time, and it will happen spontaneously.
Have an early night
- Go to bed earlier. Sex usually happens last thing at night. If you are going to bed late and getting up early you are not in a sensual place to experience a great sex life with your partner.
Shake it up
- Avoid getting in to stale, set routines.
- Don’t plan to have sex only at night you may be morning people.
- Vary what you do, try different position and different locations if you can. Think about what you like and talk about it with your partner.
- Be honest with your sexual needs and desires. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed if you would like to try something out of the ordinary.