A broken promise can be the biggest destroyer of relationships. All relationships are based on trust. We believe that when we enter a relationship with someone, that they will keep their promises. The relationship can be with a friend, a business partner, a sports colleague, a study partner or a marriage. We trust that the person will honour their commitments and fulfil their promises. But what happens when they don’t?
When a person keeps their promises the relationship develops and becomes stronger. There is a strengthening of trust and a deeper relationship is built over time. Both parties will move closer together and be willing to drop their guard and be more open.
But when promises are broken we place less and less importance on the relationship. Eventually all trust will be gone from the relationship. When all trust is broken then people become guarded. They become resentful and unwilling to share their lives or trust.
If a person experiences a major breaking of trust over several relationships in their lives they may develop an enduring vulnerability. If a person develops an enduring vulnerability it affects all other relationships. Even when the person is completely trustworthy they may have difficulty trusting that person.
If your partner makes a promise that they will give up their addiction after marriage i.e. drugs, gambling, alcohol or pornography, they may not be able to keep that promise. They should try to give it up prior to marriage. Promises can be the making or breaking of a relationship. If your partner breaks a promises it does not mean the end of the relationship. Depending on how the issues are resolved it may eventually lead to the strengthening of your relationship.
Christopher Swane - Relationship Counselling and Psychotherapy - Wellington New Zealand