Is sex enough for a successful relationship? Is it possible for a couple to build their relationship on sex alone? Generally the conventional answer is no. The crazy erotic love of the first few years of a relationship were you cannot seem to get enough of each other seems to last approximately four years.
After four years the body appears to stop producing the high levels of amorous hormones and moves into a domestic phase of bonding. Research has shown the love hormone ‘oxytocin’ was found at much higher levels within couples in the first stages of romantic attachment but started to drop over a period of six months.
But not every couple experiences a drop in sexual desire for their partner. There are many couples who sustain a very healthy sex life well into their 70s. The combination of the perfect soul mate and dream lover seems to be rare in most couples.
Many couples appear to have a brief period during the early part of the relationship where they have great sex followed by children, and then their sexual relationship stops. Their relationship is then built on companionship, security, trust, common interests and hobbies. If you are experiencing a drop in your sexual attraction for your partner relationship counselling may be the answer.
There are many couples sleeping in separate beds, or are in separate rooms by the time they are in their mid 40s. But is this a bad thing? What it really comes down to is what’s right for you, and what type of relationship keeps you both happy. There are no right ways or wrong ways to have a relationship, its the choices and decision you and your partner make.
Christopher Swane - Relationship Counselling and Psychotherapy - Wellington New Zealand